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Hello hello there~ today is Tag time!

I've been tagged by lovely :iconneicha-chan:

1. Name:  My name is Elbereth and friends and family call me Beri, some others Elbe or Eli, it just depends, I used to have like, a ton of nicknames hahaha

2. Zodiac/Star sign:  Escorpio ~ Heart 

3. Average hours of sleep:  It depends, usually 6/7 hours of sleep, today I only slept 3 C:

4. Lucky number(s):  10, 3, 4, 33

5. Last thing you googled:  Sayuri: Heikousen Lyrics xD

6. Date you created you dA account: August 5 2009, and lately I've been rather inactive over here ):

7. Amount of watchers: 
It says 272. Wow! thank you all so much!! Heart Heart Heart 

8. What do you post:  Usually Original art, reinterpretations of fairy tales etc, fanart and photos C:

9. Do you get a lot of comments:  [ YURI ON ICE ] :Viktor Nikiforov laugh:  No. (saaaameeee)

10. Why did you choose your username:
Actually that was my first time ever nickname, given by my mother. When I came into the DA comm, I've decided to re-use this old nickname and turns out that now everyone calls me Beri, which I don't mind at all, in fact I love it! Heart 

11. Do you run any blogs?: Well, kinda haha, I have a blog but I don't really post that much
Also have my portfolio here:
and my RedBubble here:… (I've been posting merchandise hereeeee)

I won't tag anyone today ): feel free to do it if you want Kao emoji  (yay smile-02) 

See you later!
Loves you,
  • Listening to: Sayuri- Heikousen
  • Reading: Writing some stuff actually
  • Watching: mails
  • Playing: Nopes
  • Eating: nopes
  • Drinking: coffee, today I need coffee.
Hello hello hello everyone~ How are you all?
Here I am, messy, crazy, tired (TIRED) and well, just running all over researching and writing.
How have you all been?

I can say myself that this year began very challenging and exciting. It's been a while ever since I felt like that! Of course is really tiring, but it's okay. I got a resting pair of glasses few months ago (which are really appreciated), thankfully had great holidays with my family and sadly? no, it's not really sad but it makes me feel strange that more of my friends are leaving the country. This weekend I have a PJ Party with my friend Maririn (I call her like that) since she's leaving in a couple of weeks and honestly... I'm so gonna miss her. But at the same time it's something she deserves and hopefully she'll be able to finish her studies there, find a job and better herself. So we're just having our party with icecream and talking until we fall asleep and so.

I've seen some changes through the last couple of months overall. Wish I could say that means the country going better (which is the absolute opposite) but I don't feel as attached, as upset or anything. It feels like I'm not belonging here and that just makes me feel free even if it's not physically but mentally, the peace I feel being completely indifferent every time I see something happening just feels like I covered myself in an armour, ready to fight another battle. I really wonder if I'll be able to travel this year but even if that's not happening, I'm going to work very hard for the things I want. It's really frustrating my options closing and falling apart because of being Venezuelan, I can't even proudly say that I am!  with so many incredible people here that left and plan to leave due to ignorance, stubborness and bad management by the government, not to mention the social decadency that is perfectly shown when you see people fighting each other, practising intolerance, blaming others and the hunger seen when the trash containers are the best place to eat. How much longer will I have to stay here doing nothing really productive to myself?

Few days ago I found myself going to the drug store for a couple of things, and on the way back since it was already noon and I couldn't get breakfast I saw a man selling Pastelitos Andinos (dumplings filled with rice and ground beef and some spices) really cheap (and small, but I was hungry anyway) so I gave it a try while I was basically running back home with my shopping. Ahá. A little girl  (about 4 yeared old ) with all her beige dress dirty and messy hair was running all over chasing people and she suddenly came to me saying "can you give me that?" and I had to say "No" and chomped the last bit. I hate to do that but I have to because it's the common thing to see nowadays: a lazy woman that knows nothing but having children they can't take care of sitting in the street and sending their children off to hunt people's food. All I wanted to say was "Why can't you tell your mother sitting right there that she should work to be able to feed you?" but I just couldn't, a kid doesn't deserve that. So I live in a country with irresponsible people used to ask for things and not giving back any efforts, where is easier to crowd the subway train asking for money and doing drugs later saying "it's hard to find a job" but not doing absolutely anything to better themselves. No, that's not going to lead us anywhere, that's why even if this government really ends, the society will take several generations to actually change.
In a week I had the same case with bread, another girl. I saw one kid today asking a juice stand if they could give him an orange. Where are the parents of these kids? who takes care of them? why do they let them do that? It's really concerning.

Let's see how it goes, Un día a la vez!
Loves you,
  • Listening to: Alina Baraz- Electric (ft. Khalid)
  • Reading: Writing some stuff actually
  • Watching: some reference photos
  • Playing: Nopes
  • Eating: Red beans Minestrone
  • Drinking: water
Hello Hello~
How are you all? I'm so so so sorry for not updating lately, I've been really absent because I haven't had time to work on art lately but events of my community such as November's CCC and Riida Matsuri's second edition took away my time, energy and everything Dx
All of them went nicely wich makes me really happy, but you can guess I've been very tired haha. I've been into bakery lately and sweets so I sold them at the cons and it did work! I've been also with projects like sewing capes and possibly gloves, I hope it goes nicely. Right now I'm painting a pair of shoes and so far so good! hope it goes well *v*

As for everything else, cannot lie to you saying things are okay over here because that's not true, in fact it got worse now with current changes in our currency, mercosur, high prices... just everything. It feels like people are juggling with all these things to keep it going on and definately these holidays are absolutely different from any other. I really wonder what's gonna happen to this country anymore and I don't at the same time. We've had many chances through the year to make something happen and nope, just nothing because people preferred to believe a little group of people who is going to "solve this peacefully" and "peacefully" we're already in December with no good news, no changes, no..anything.

I hope to keep my life as good as I can, but times seem to be dark, and I hope to be strong.
Love you deeply,
  • Listening to: Ariana Grande - Be Alright
  • Reading: Writing some stuff actually
  • Watching: some articles at work
  • Playing: Tales of Phantasia
  • Eating: nopes
  • Drinking: water
Hi hi~ how are you all?
I would like to apologize to everyone before anything, since I've been very inactive over here. I always check everything around but haven't had time to draw properly, specially in digital media. I'm sorry.

In the other hand I've been through many things lately and I feel absolutely messed up haha. I went to the Psychologist for the first time in my life and it felt nice. He told me that I'm under too much stress (what I've been hearing for a while) and routines so we're working on it. I nearly fainted that day on the way back home and it was awful, specially because in this country I'm sure that alone in the subway and unconscious I could've been robbed easily. I took strenght from nowhere and managed to arrive home. I had fever and nauseas, weakness and felt heavy all over. After some doubting I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, yay... So I'm taking pills and vitamins to stay stronger.

Funny thing, I won a giveaway that week and got something from the mail that had me extremely worried, so I had good luck feeling shitty ahahaha. I'm also planning some other cool stuff for the next CCC, talking with friends, planning evil stuff (?) and pretty much thinking and overthinking so I struggle to sleep sometimes... Country's situation is basically killing us all and there's no one, not even directors and bosses scaping from the economic situation. You'll most likely hear people skipping meals and even so they can't afford food enough for the whole month. People with kids are struggling harder with the school items, books, uniforms and such. I try to stay calm and feel grateful I have nothing to loose or really struggle for but it's depressing.
That's why many people are leaving here. It's common to hear "I'm leaving in two months, next week, six months" or planning things with your friends and getting a response like "I can't go, I'm leaving before then"

One of my childhood friends is leaving with his cousin, with absolutely nothing. He's leaving tomorrow and we helped them to think and plan, advicing about food, the forniture and everything. We spent our last day yesterday like every meeting we make and... I honestly had fun and didn't feel bad because he's leaving until I said goodbye and took the bus. The way back home was awful and probably seemed like someone just broke my heart but I couldn't stop. I just want him to remember our last time with a smile and without feeling any regrets of leaving us behind, and like a "see ya" because we all want to  be there with him.

These few months had been really reflexive for me. There's no single day I cannot think about leaving and all I have to do because it feels like something's kicking my butt saying "Move!" and I have to. It's just so complicated I end up discouraged, specially in the economic side. I want to keep growing, and giving myself the chance to improve and prove myself wrong I couldn't do this.

Sorry this all seems like a diary page xD But I want to keep you updated and real without sugacoating my life. This is what I live and how it goes. You can take it or leave it, I'm not making anyone comment or anything. Just give what your heart tells you to.

Loves you,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: The Nutcracker- Tchaikovsky
  • Reading: working info
  • Watching: nopes
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: a peach
  • Drinking: water.
September 2nd. Everything went to it's usual form, nothing really happened. People are really angry, and some other keep their faith that this is only the first step to take out this current government. Many frustrations, hopes, tears, anger, indignation etc. I've managed to record a little bit what happened , here's the link:…

I'll keep in touch with you about any other further information okay?
See you, take care.


Hello Hello~
I hope you're all doing good. I have something important to say and you should be aware of, wherever you live.
As some of you know, this country is really politically chaotic. Both oficialism and opposition have been into a fight that just led this country a destroyed nation, shattered all over with hunger and diseases. I've been a victim myself of the consequences of this government, both health (mine and my loved ones) and food as well. Only my closest friends abroad know with detail the struggles of eating etc that I'm having (and venezuelans in general). I'm honest, there's days I can't focus on my work because I'm hungry or dizzy because of it.

Tomorrow, September 1st there's a march called "the grand taking of Caracas" (la gran toma de caracas) which is the city I live in, the capital. We don't really know what's gonna happen, but things seem to be really messy all over. Police presence in the whole city with long weapons, the tension in the air could be easily cut with a knife. Both sides threatening each other with what they will do etc etc. Many shops and companies won't work tomorrow to avoid any consequences.
I'll leave here a link with the info:…

I'll be at home and have no internet so... let's see what happens. Won't be able to connect anywhere until probably sept 2nd, so in case you need to say or ask something, I can give you my number.
I don't even know what to expect. I just want this to end.

Loves you,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Boom Boom Satellites- Lay your hands on me
  • Reading: working info
  • Watching: nopes
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: nopes
  • Drinking: water.
Hellow hellow hellowww~
how are you? hope you're doing awesome! as for myself, still recovering! Got Zika virus a week ago.
I've been tired between work and CCC so I kinda thought of resting after the con before getting sick, but sickness got me first obviously... So I felt tired and heavy last Monday and stayed at home next day until I saw red dots all over my arms and decided to go to the doc on Wednesday. He's my doc and as soon as he saw me he knew I had zika virus! he checked me all over and even told me to sit better because "You're too young and fair to have a cervical spine all messed up" to take care of my lungs, my kidneys and liver because of the medicines I was about to take. I went to control check last Friday and I was aching all over, my fingers felt AWFUL, my knees and ankles, everything was swollen and painful. He told me that was normal and suspended my medicines. Next day I felt even worse until midday and poof! the swollen joints were gone.

I couldn't even make a fist or grab or open anything because of the pain but it just disappeared, it felt incredible. Guess that's part of realizing what does a disease mean deep within yourself.
So I decided to visit my friends at CCC next day, they all called me off for being there but they were glad to see me doing good. It was funny because at first everybody like: what are you doing here?! you can't be here! you should rest! yada yada yada..." and 3 hours later I said "well my lovelies, I'm going home already, see you soon!" and they were like "already?! why??"
Hahahaha we say something here that goes like this: "O es chicha o es limonada" (pretty much like comparing lemonade and chocolate milk, it's just one thing or another) Do you want me or not?! ahahaha

But resting at home made me think of a lot of things because I couldn't sleep properly because of fever. I also had time enough to find out a deep friend of mine who passed away years ago staying with me and supporting me all this time, feeling presences taking care of you wherever they are and many people giving love towards me and all those things you cannot usually realize.
Those details make the life surely delicious to enjoy.
It truly felt special to me, and couldn't change it. I have to admit finding out my bro is alive somewhere, still proud of me and supporting me all the time just broke me completely. Finding out that he was truly sorry for not saying goodbye properly due to his sudden death just made me cry, like back when I was told he wasn't with us anymore the first time. I've thought that I was over it already, but you cannot be completely healed until you feel peace in both parts, and now I feel grateful like never before, I feel so relieved. I was actually crying because I still miss him and he still makes me happy, we just didn't have the joy to share more, and only god knows why. So I must keep on, stronger each time and with every step forward.

I'm sure the last part is very personal, but I feel open to you reading it, We all have someone we wished to have loved more if we just knew that was our last chance to.
"Thank you, I love you."

I love you too.
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: James Bay- Let it go (Roveena cover, amazing)
  • Reading: some info of my interest and mails of course
  • Watching: nopes
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: banana!
  • Drinking: chocolate milk, I missed you so much.
Hiii lovelies~!
Sorry for not drawing lately ; x ; I've been busy and tired with CCC, but I feel so good and happy!

Everything went nicely and besides of some problems with some people nothing was important enough to change my mind about how it was so, CCC week one, checked!
We are EXTREMELY tired, but had a ton of fun! and we sold a lot, it's awesome *v*
I still have my legs aching for wearing heels all weekend and doing random hahaha we did random dancing so much that the stand playing the music asked us if we had music requests for next week! they came along to dance with us too ahaha
I made closer bonds to people I knew before and hopefully making them stronger with the next weekends to come!
Nothing much else to say than I'm happy right now.
and I don't really like wigs because they're itchy but they look sooo weeell~

Here's some Pics from last weekend, professional ones by the lovely Brayan Iglesias in the days to come!


13775780 10210461963524597 3313188342123066324 N by Berichan13731435 10210461963924607 5559892685988745843 N by Berichan
"Whyyy whyyy ... ah, who's there?"
13697190 10210461963084586 6361277170388675587 N by Berichan
*Interview random faces*


13716009 499934556868310 7734580129776005556 N by Berichan13731623 499934493534983 6353533950346321470 N by Berichan13697024 10210461974044860 7366694617964676828 N by Berichan
13726740 10210461983565098 3422571791089063000 N by Berichan13726600 499934180201681 3634564031906553531 N by Berichan
13718760 499934266868339 7432040461841093263 N by Berichan13781863 499934206868345 7001072928778701036 N by Berichan
13754375 10210461972124812 2886322376982124579 N by Berichan13716127 499934446868321 6645554968172326566 N by Berichan


13729173 10153595417166126 7461584093650891768 N by Berichan
That's all for now my loveliesss
Loves you deeply,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Robin Schulz- When I found You
  • Reading: mails, mails, mails+
  • Watching: facebook?
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: nopes
  • Drinking: tea
Hiya Hiya~ *muppet voice*
How are you all? I hope you're doing good!
I'm so so so sorry for being absent, I really wonder if there's anyone reading this anymore to be honest ^^' That's my fault I know!

Things are changing a lot for me lately but I can't complain about it, it feels good, good~
Of course living in the same hell, just trying not to pull my hair off (litterally) because of stress and sleep more properly (breaking news: insomnia attacks, as usual) and doing stuff, trying to live a day more, I guess.

I feel thankful for reaching almost 21 years alive, specially in a city like this, in a country like this. I don't really feel extremely good, because I'm tired, and only get the chance to eat properly when I get my wage, but inflation always slaps my face after that. yayyy
Anxiety is part of my daily basis and there's days I don't focus myself on work or just simply anything because there's nothing coming. Just blank. And some alternatives for "eating when anxious" such as fruits that I can more or less afford every once in a while.
But taking aside as we all call "Patria" factors, things seem optimistic for me. I just don't know, I kinda feel good, I feel confident. There are bad days, of course, days that I just cry at the dumbest thing and self-steem downs but nothing to worry about really.

As for Comic Con, things are hopefully doing good, stressful as usual but I still feel good, kinda scared, kinda excited about the responsability of being there and everything. I feel better about going on pictures, but maybe it's because there's been a LONG time without photoshoots for me! I really miss it. Photoshoots are super fun and I feel like being a little bit more bold about showing another poses this time. Will I do it? Challenge accepted.

Ah, another thing: After 176154851648 years I finally decided to watch Miraculous Ladybug. To be honest, it's a collateral damage since my sisters started to watch it but I come back home from work later so I couldn't catch up at first but I ended up watching the whole series and haven't finished it yet, but so far so good! I really like the characters, I just wanna keep watching *v*

Things I've been recently Watching/Watched or Reading/Read:

Miraculous Ladybug: (series)
Already said, really cool and wanna keep watching it!

Boku dake ga inai machi: (anime)
I finished this and... my my, It's one of the most entertaining things I've watched in a long time! the story is mind-stimulating, and the characters are very well done! it finished in the right time, I really liked it.

Skip Beat: (manga)
I've been reading SB for YEARS and I feel like it's gonna take forever for this story to end. It quite tiring when you wait month after month for a story that has so much to give and it's taking so long to get to the point!! Argh. I adore Kyouko and Ren though, but I want MORE.

Kurage Hime: (manga)
THIS. IS. DRIVING. ME. CRAZY. I've waited for 15 months or so to get to read the volume (that's the only way to get it in english or even japanese) and for god gracious I need more. This volume has so much going on and with apparently so little! I'm so super duper proud about Tsukimi's decisions and just need Kuranosuke to start actually DOING something. Also the extra chapter is LOVE.

Kuroshitsuji: (manga)
Nothing much to say about this. I mean, I love Kuroshitsuji. I adore Yana Toboso, her drawings and references are perfect! But again, like SB, it's taking SO LONG so get to the point. I think we've had enough of mini-arcs (they're good, really) and need more sustance (something I was talking with manu-chann yesterday) about the real essence of Kuroshitsuji, and please, please make Ciel grow, he looks almost like a plushie now ( ; n ; )

Card Captors Sakura: Card Hen: (manga)

My hype was so hard I read these two chapters in japanese and then in spanish. I needed this. The best part was to read the first chapter and finding out they're actually making a new anime!! I was about to cry while reading the whole chapter because it brought back all my good memories with CCS, my childhood with all these characters, all the songs I learned and how it helped me to grow and believe in myself and my own magic. I just can't say more to CLAMP than: THANK YOU. I know you will do awesome!

And well that's all for now! a super quick photo of my slytherin skirt here:

Img-20160619-wa0000-1 by Berichan

ah! and a little surprise:

2016-06-12 13.03.17 by Berichan

Can you guess what is this?

Have a wonderful weekend! If you want more updates please check my facebook (it's my name)
I love you!!
  • Listening to: Robin Schulz- Sugar
  • Reading: mails, mails, mails+
  • Watching: my working documents
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: chocolate pop
  • Drinking: water
Agh, what a weekend. Truly messy.
But overall I'm very excited C: I was asked to be one of the judges for the drawing contest in Riida Matsuri convention next month! yaayyyy so exciteeeeddd~ My friend called me and I was acting silly all over the supermarket hahaha

The rest of the weekend was more or less bittersweet, but in the end it's okay, I just remind myself this:

To see the Rainbow you need to stand the rain first.

And while I avoid getting crazy the most I can, and as far as it takes time to heal and keep on I will not surrender. If I do, it'd be pointless to keep on, and there's too many things to do, too many places to see, too much love to share to give up just like that.
I won't deny that I cry and scream to my pillow, but it just happens. I rather have that than a medical problem later on.

Thanks to everyone for reading my last journal. It was kinda silly, and pitiful, but it is how it is, I won't change it.
I wouldn't change anything.

Loves you,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Adele- I miss you
  • Reading: my feed at fb
  • Watching: my screen?
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: nope, but I'm so hungryyy
  • Drinking: water
Hi~ How are you?
well, I won't lie to anyone, I feel so messed up. If my forehead had something written, I'd probably be "Uneasy".
Nothing's gonna ever be the same again. I usually feel happy about changes, they mean I keep growing, but turns out sometimes life tells you something different.
And it probably... well, yes, It got me unexpectedly.

I sing, sing, sing.
It's gonna be okay. I draw, line after another, hour after hour. I design tirelessly.
It's not enough.

I feel like I'm running, but still got no way out, there's no place to run. And it is how it is because of something.
But allow me to explain: let's say you always loved apples. You feel happy just by it's scent and suddenly one day they start smelling different, tasting different and they are poisoning you, still looking the same.
That's how it feels.
You get tired day after day of the apples, and there will come the moment you won't be able to even see them and not feeling disgust.
I don't want that to happen.

Lately, within this society where everything is so rotten and forgotten, my depression is wider, deeper, darker. Like a sunset, with less light each time. I don't know how I've managed to stay "cool" so far, without jumping off a building or poisoning myself with cleaning products, cutting my wrists, hanged up...
Oh, surprise! that's not gonna solve anything.
I slap myself once again, each time.

Lately I feel my emotions so out of myself that the slightest, dumbest thing makes me cry damn deep. But it's not just crying because of sadness, I actually cry because I'm so angry, so so angry I can't deal with it, I growl and cry at the same time, like some sort of strange creature.
oh, surprise! that's not gonna solve anything neither.
I must slap myself again, each time.

So here we are, in this strange vicious circle.
I just thought of erasing all of this, but my dad called me. He asked "Hi honey how are you?" "ah, well, nothing much" and then he asked me "are you okay?" and I couldn't reply because I was about to cry. That means this is real and I can't keep hiding it all the time.
feelings seem to be silly, really, but they are surely not.

Sorry if you actually read this, I didn't want to make you feel uneasy about it.
Sorry if this troubles you. If it does, please unwatch me.

Loves you,
  • Listening to: Ilaria Graziano- Valse de la Lune
  • Reading: nopes
  • Watching: my screen?
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: nopes
  • Drinking: water
Hi hiii~
how are you? Hope you're doing good~

As for myself, well. I think I'm sick, I've been sneezing and coughing for 3 days and it makes me feel sleepy, SUPER SLEEPY
my semester is almost over and I'm very excited about it, I'll be able to sleep, yassss
also it's going to make me spend less money. I didn't believe myself about it, but being at college makes me spend a lot of money (besides from the tuition fees etc ) in photocopies, food, materials for works, paper...So it's relieving I'm not going to scratch my payment each month after this xD

If you ask "why is that?" "how come?", it's because I won't enter the next semester. Why? because I'm f**king tired, that's why.I want to give myself a break; I've been working a lot and staying out from home almost all day everyday is not cool at all. I think that rushing about it is what made my health go straight to hell, and it's not fun at all. At college they wanted to make 3 semesters in a year (with the correct amount of weeks, it is possible) and that's why they're basically killing us, making us run with this semester. The contents are nice, most of the teachers as well buuuut... when you have Mario's speeded music in the background all the time it's gonna make you crazy and weak. Just like me.

Since I'm in the last cut, I don't have to study for tests this week and I've decided to prepare some products for my shop, hope to show them to you very soon! The concept of the items is "Alternative Fashion" so you can just do whatever you want with them. This collection is inspired by the lovely music of Melanie Martinez, and some other items for Lolita fashion (classic and sweet so far). The shop is going from necklaces and chokers to capes and broochs, bracelets, accesories for shoes and plushies. Hopefully everything turns out nicely and goes up! I wanted to create pieces for boys too and I'm currently designing them, I don't forget about you!
A brooch of Melanie's track "Soap":

2016-04-10 14.33.42 by Berichan

Other than that, I've bought a skirt from the lovely shop Golden WindRose and it's Harry Potter's Slytherin house! mwihihi~ the skirt has black x green fabric and the house symbol on it~ I couldn't resist, it's my house!
Here it is:
12341196 538763302940587 5063274784851610052 N by Berichan

other than that it's just feelings yada yada that I don't think you'd like to read so I'll leave it just like this.

Thanks for stopping by and reading a little!
Loves you endlessly,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: CHINAH- We go back (jaramix ft skizzy mars)
  • Reading: work papers?
  • Watching: some maps I've been working on
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: about to have lunch, I'm hungry!
  • Drinking: water
Hi hi~
How are you all? I hope you're doing awesome, I miss you so much!

Sorry for being so terribly absent lately, I've been under way too much stress as new responsabilities came and still come.
My mom's still resting at home, and controlling her hypertension. We decided to take practically all the responsabilities she had at home and she refused for years to let us do alone (laundry, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc) and I'm taking what she had to finish at work with my boss, and college is super stressing, the contents are complex Dx I love it deeply and it's super interesting to study but it's driving me crazy.

We're struggling to find medicines and have to stop doing stuff or spending our lunch time in the bank to pay her bills, my sister's school and it's meetings, taking her to the doc etc. As for myself I don't really mind, I'm paying my studies so there's no stress for her about it, what I find truly tiring is the fact of not sleeping enough. I wake up at 5:30 and spend the whole day outside and come back at 10, so I end up sleeping at midnight most of the times and it's paying back. I'm sleepy in the subway, at work, at college, at home... so yeah.
All that spiced up with the country's condition of not finding anything and your payment not being worth enough to buy and pay everything you have to, health service conditions, illness, thieves and killers everyday, more and more women pregnant because they can't find anticonceptive pills (among other things I won't write to avoid a discussion), the culture and society is down the toilet with disrespect and moral education, ethics...

So yes, in the end, Adulthood gave me no choice.

I've been so conditioned by everything lately that sometimes really stressful and frustrating things happen and I feel them, but when I feel like crying, nothing happens. I'm so tired I can't even cry. How did I end up like this? What happened to me?
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and looking at my normal facial expression is sad. It looks like I'm sad and tired so evidently it's depressing.

Then I find music.
Music saves me everyday. I can't draw everyday because I have no time, but at least listening to music while in the subway or at work gives me peace. So much peace it's hard to come back to reality...

People are getting sick, viced, lost.
Two days ago in the hallway to french classroom we had to close all the doors and windows because people are taking marihuana and other drugs and the smell is so strong it comes down your throat and feels like it's burning. I've never seen so much people drunk in my life than now. Some others, when they can, start eating and eating, some others rather not go out their houses to avoid the stress in the city, some others just explode at the slightest thing.
What can I say? it's all I see.

I don't know when I'm leaving, because that tiny light is closing like I'm drowning in a sea of thoughts and situations.
I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired...

Sorry for sounding like I'm giving up. Sorry for making you read this. But it feels like I can't take this anymore.
But I have to.

I don't know what else do I have to take, but even now writing this, when it feels like I can't, I know I can. It's slowly killing me, destroying me, breaking me into little pieces but I have to do this.

I was talking with my sisters about living under stress all the time, and I'm seriously considering to go to a psychologist whenever I can because I feel like I have to fix this. How is it possible that I have friends who left a year ago with their family and they still have nightmares about them, their family and friends being killed here? This is not mentally healthy, I feel like we're in a silent war.

Once again, my apologies for making you read all of this, but I had it on my chest and I had to let it out. If you didn't read it, that's okay. I just needed to get the weight off writing about it.

Stay strong,
I love you.
  • Listening to: Yoko Kanno- Flowery Wind
  • Reading: I have a test today so...
  • Watching: more info for my test
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: cookies
  • Drinking: water
how are you all? hope you're doing awesome!
and well. the story of the week is "How I ended up in the clinic twice with my mother"

So, last Monday my mom suddenly felt dizzy and lost her balance so we made her sit with two chairs but since she didn't get any better we went to the clinic. She was okay, laughing and everything and the neurologist told her she had a " vesticular crisis" which happens in the middle ear and causes that kind of symptoms. He told her to make a craneal resonance to discard any other problem and we went back home. She was okay next day but only to get worse on Wednesday. her left eye went to the external corner and she couldn't control it and she was feeling worse. We ran to another clinic and they made me fill 182648454686 papers just to let her in and she was looking bad and cold; we went to the waiting room and she felt better but when they attended her it turns out her arterial pressure was in 220!! the normal is to have it in 80/110, the doctor told her she could've died suddenly ):

they made blood samples and other exams but everything was okay. She's hypertense and she's got to take care of herself from now on. I've spent the whole day beside her while her tension was under treatment with drops etc. when it finally reached 151 the doc told her she could leave etc. We came back home at 9:30 Dx I was exhausted and only ate my breakfast at 8:30 that day so we pretty much fainted asleep after dinner. She was dizzy yesterday and we got worried but her tension is low now xDDDD
the medicines she took in the hospital that were going to "react the next day" beat up that tension even today xD she's better and we inmediatly changed our diet and she's resting ever since.

I was scared. I can't lie. When we came into the ER and the secretary asked me the reason we were there I couldn't help to cry a little while explaining. My mom is my everything, you know? the amount of calls we've been recieving since wednesday is crazy, she means a lot to many people and everyone started to search the medicines and we have them all now. I'm so relieved.

She's still dizzy for the medicines and her low tension but my sis called me 15 mins ago saying she's better. Phew.
Funny thing, I only cried when I came into the ER, but recieved calls of people crying and I was like "nah, it's okay, she'll be okay" hoping inside to be true. But even inside the ER she laughed a ton and we were joking with everyone. The doc told her "Mrs Norma, you could've died" and she said "I won't die, I haven't seen any grandchildren yet" and my face xDDDD

Well, guess that's all for now. I'm planning a photoshoot for this Sunday so expect the photos soon! This time my sis and I~
Loves you a TON
Berichan :iconlubplz:

And, before I go, the latest video of NU'EST ( * 7 * )

Bye~ (/ ^ o ^ )/
  • Listening to: NU'EST - Overcome
  • Reading: I have a test today so...
  • Watching: more info for my test
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: cherry jelly
  • Drinking: water
Hi hi hiii everyone~
I hope you're all doing okay~ As for me I've been rather sick, coughing, soft fever etc. I'm hoping it's nothing serious but keeps being persistent, so I hope to be able to see my doc tomorrow and check everything's okay.

As for college, it's been quite different from first semester, as I've expected there's a lot of people I don't see often etc, but that's okay. What bothers me honestly is the amount of ciggarrete I have to smell everyday, I'm seriously considering to make something at college if they don't fix it. I don't go there to get sick you know?
Of course, it's really tiring and drives away my energy  A LOT. lately I feel like I'm struggling more than I've expected about simply everything. I'm tired, I'm frustrated.

The situation in the country is really really to cry for, some of my friends outside got to know what kind of conditions do we live in and I'm sure it was shocking for them. So guess you can Say it's sad, but true.
I haven't been eating well, not drinking clean water, sleeping enough (...) My workmates are more or less the same, but when they hear me coughing they say "Elbereth, you should get checked again, discard anything serious" and I'm willing to do it. Just joking around (because of the lack of medicines, radioactives for blood samples etc) I say "I have to die for some or another reason" they scream "NOOOO DON'T SAY THAT!" but I'm almost to start believing it.

Of course, I'm not dying yet, I can't do that.
can you guess how expensive is a funeral?! to bury a person?! nope, too expensive, can't do that.

I've gained a rising in my payment and I'm so EXTREMELY HAPPY. I can fully pay my college, my materials, save money properly, and even spare some in things I like. There's other things going on but that's not relevant, still makes me feel more relieved.

Now now! as promised, I'm posting the photos of the CCC, taken in November 2015. Our photographer for the event, Brayan Iglesias, is such a sweetheart! I was nervous and posing like a potato at first, but he made me feel really comfty overall. We had a bunch of fun taking the photos, regardless of the stress, the people, the noise etc. Hope you like them as much as I do!

5.1 by Berichan     5.5 by Berichan
Hi hiii~  // Can't remember what happened but I was laughing xD
5.9 by Berichan   5.6 by Berichan
Suggested pose~ so much María Lemus~ // The other photo while laughing
5.3 by Berichan  5.8 by Berichan
I tried a more "serious" look, but nope xD //  nyan nyan~
5.2 by Berichan   5.7 by Berichan
This photo makes me laugh so much. Beri being kawaii, the only time you'll see a photo like that // I loved this one~
12346512 538677369615847 6171107711153785011 N by Berichan    5.4 by Berichan
With the cutest, Betzabeth! *v*  // My favorite one~

So, that's all for nowww~
Byeee stay safe and sound~
Loves you a ton,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Breakbot- Why
  • Reading: work documents
  • Watching: my email
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: not hungry e.e
  • Drinking: tea~
Hi hi hiiii~
How are you all? I hope you had a nice timing and rested on these holidays (though I know it's really stressful anyways), ate a lot of yummy food and spent quality time with your loved ones.

As for me, it was a really quick December, and had so much meetings! it's really cool since lately I have no time for anyone and it's a little sad but the keyword definately, for last month was: FOOD

Dear lord, so much food xD I'm surprised my weight remains the same after eating like the world going to end next day. The 23rd, we had the company lunch, in one of my favorite restaurants, Antigua Bistró! you may not remember it, but I had my first Loliday there, and it brings so much emotions and memories to me ( ; v ; ) they reserved a little room called Privé, here some photos 2015-12-23 17.26.49 by Berichan  2015-12-23 12.15.54 by Berichan  2015-12-23 12.16.06 by Berichan  2015-12-23 12.16.27 by Berichan  2015-12-23 12.17.47 by Berichan  2015-12-23 12.18.23 by Berichan
2015-12-23 12.18.34 by Berichan  2015-12-23 15.05.26 by Berichan  2015-12-23 15.10.18 by Berichan  2015-12-23 15.28.33 by Berichan  2015-12-23 15.30.49 by Berichan  2015-12-23 16.03.25 by Berichan

after that next weekend I went to MB with my family, and had really good time *v*

I'll try to post more photos later, I'm feeling tired now Dx

Overall, as usual, I'm very thankful for this year, for learning so much, for the opportunities, for the people I've met, for my new job, the experiences, the changes... Just everything. It doesn't seem as much as the year passes, but you truly see that you're not the same person the next year and it's really cool how little by little you evolve (or so it should be!)

I think this year helped me to get the rid off some issues I had inside myself about my thoughts and opinions, to stop for once banning myself and I feel lighter to express all the things without thinking what would others say. That's shit, to be honest. Just go you, be you, love you, do you.

that's my learnt lesson from 2015, and you have no idea how that changed me, and I hope that if you're reading this, consider what it's written up there.

Have a wonderful day my lovelies!
Loves you, back and endlessly,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: London Orchestra- Venezuela Suite, Central.
  • Reading: Nothing by now, but classes are next week!
  • Watching: Youtube videos
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: peanut salted with soy sauce~
  • Drinking: water
Hi hi hi~
How are you all? I hope you're doing great!
I'm currently super relaxed because my finals are overrrr yessss T.T that had me super stressed but in the end i've got good grades and it makes me really happy ; v ;
As I've said previously in another journal, my comm had planned a musical for Caracas Comic Con, which was last week.
I don't have the video yet, but the song is up and I hope you like it!
It's not a pro recording (yet), still we did our best *o*

here's some fewwww pics I had in the phone about last week's CCC:

2015-11-28 13.02.32 by Berichan
 Our stand~ isn't it pretty? *o* :heart:
2015-11-28 12.29.11 by Berichan
Our leader, the beautiful Isabel :heart:
2015-11-28 13.26.55 by Berichan
The lovely Ariani and potato me :heart:
Can't wait for the photoshoot pics!! I made so much efforts on that makeup to waste it like that D: I made it with so much efforts I've got it done at 10 am and it was 8:30 pm and still looking intact. Thank you makeup tutorials ; v ;

Now some yummy food:
2015-11-25 17.36.56 by Berichan2015-11-25 17.37.12 by Berichan
This is a recent discovered café, called Amelie (like the movie) ; the main theme is rather french and modern, very cool though is really small; I went with a classmate (I call her my mean twin, but we're both mean so) this time she invited me and we had so much fun! the cups for cold drinks are those adorable jars and we ate a chocolate croissant while we studied~

2015-11-29 12.18.58 by Berichan2015-11-29 12.18.48 by Berichan2015-11-29 12.25.39 by Berichan
Yogurt parfaitttt~ my big sis bought it online and it turned out to be soooo yummy! the blackberry yogurt is absolute glory in your mouth T.T this parfait had chocolate yogurt, oat, peanuts, corn flakes and some corn-rice balls with strawberries, tangerines, pineapples and passion fruit with blackberry yogurt. I can't say more than I'm very pleased and waiting to come back again!
the smoothie is made with classic frozen yogurt, and my sis chose strawberries and tangerines. the another one looked almost the same, as my big sis chose strawberries and banana. After I finished the girl cleaned up my jar and everything! truly truly pleased.

And now... papaapapapaaaammmm my new babyyyyyy!!
2015-11-14 08.22.53 by Berichan2015-11-14 20.13.54 by Berichan2015-11-14 21.40.48 by Berichan
He's very small and naughty little kitty~ he loves bitting people's fingers and chase after practically everything xD but he loves sleeping so much it makes somehow a nice balance
2015-11-14 21.19.07 by Berichan2015-11-14 21.18.37 by Berichan2015-11-14 21.39.39 by Berichan2015-12-01 21.08.23 by Berichan
Once I fix my camera charger I'll take some decent pics~

About my Bday, here's some pics:
2015-10-24 21.13.46 by Berichan2015-11-06 15.52.07 by Berichan
ah and I made a bottle with my name!
2015-11-14 19.08.56 by Berichan

Sorry for the photo bombing xD

Have a nice day!
loves you,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Melanie Martinez- Mad Hatter
  • Reading: Diana W.Jones-Castle In the Air
  • Watching: job mailing
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: Oreo Donut *o*
  • Drinking: water
Hello hello~
how are you all? C:
I'm personally so tired I really don't know what I'm doing here hahaha
but finally here in the end.

Lately I've been really busy doing a lot of stuff. For those who don't know, I work on week days and study in college at night, also give english classes for kids on Sundays. So yep, pretty much it takes all my time.
However, I've learned so much and feel so grateful for all the experiences overall. It's been bittersweet from time to time, specially when fatigue comes to attack me and we all have to re-organize schedules to meet and do group works but that's fine.
As for work, we've been struggling a little with the current market but already made a better strategy that comes up to be waaay more thoughtful in my opinion.

As for lolita, I've been having a blast! it's been so fun to work and meet again with my friends, they're so lovely ( ; v ; ) the rehearsals and final adaptations for the song were hilarious and just simply can't say more than I had a ton of fun. Since Adri studies in a conservatory, we decided to go there as they have special rooms for practice with pianos. The first time I was there I felt so relaxed, so in my thing that as we were talking I ended up crying for potato reason. NONE. Just did for 40 minutes straight. Like I was glad to be there, grateful for being there. She said that she felt as if I was part of the conservatory x'D
Hopefully, someday I'll study there or somewhere else~ and yay! I'm a soprano *o*
We finished the recordings and final editions are being made so yep! let's just wait and see what happens~

I need to sleep SO badly. I literally fall asleep each morning in the subway even standing and grabbing my arm in a holder inside the train. The worst is that on vacations there's a lot of things to do at home so I'm kinda expecting them and not expecting them at the same time x'D So before they start, I need vacations of my vacations ahahaha shoot.
So by now I'm just suffering from college finals in english and french, finish before elections, and keep working without rest because I'm still new and can't get vacations from work but only college~

That's pretty much my life now Dx
Loves you,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Melanie Martinez- Alphabet Boy
  • Reading: English and French study books
  • Watching: googling for study
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: nope by now
  • Drinking: water
Hi hi my lovely people! cat blow kiss emoji 
it's been a while since i wrote something Dx sorry about that.
Fortunately my job allows me to keep updated with all of you, that had me so worried!! but I've been really glad with the results~ I can draw, listen to music and write, even study! couldn't ask for more.

as for the music, lately I've been told my singing skills are good, and have a cover to do with Neicha-chan and my lolita community invited me to sing "Anything you can do" with another of my lolita friends, Adriana. She studies lyrical singing, and we discovered someone in the community has a recording studio! sounds really exciting~ lovey heart kitty 

October in general is going well, and of course uni gets me tired with all the tests all the time, but couldn't ask for better people to be my classmates! they're really fun and nice people~ I feel very grateful with all the changes lately.
It's like if I didn't, I wouldn't improve. I don't know, it's this feeling I can't explain within myself.

As for anything else, I don't really have nothing much to say by now x'D I feel like my life isn't interesting hahaha Yamato Embarrassed Icon

Thanks for reading!
Loves you,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Andrea Bocelli ft. Ariana Grande: E piú ti pe
  • Reading: Cuando quiero llorar no lloro- Miguel Otero Silva
  • Watching: music videos
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: nope by now
  • Drinking: green tea
Hi hiii~ how are you all?
pfffff... i'm half dead right now.
i've been working really really hard overall, there's always tests each week at college, i don't sleep much, i get hungry easily lately... xD but i gave a chance to the Aikido Dojo's anniversary party last weekend.

i bought the cake from Madame Blac, a cake called "American chocolate" and it's SO GOOD. the end. (?)
we went to Caucagua, on the way to Higuerote, in the eastern coast of my country C:
the cake melted. literally xD it split in two layers inside the car with cooled air but it was so hot and so messy outside on the road the poor cake ended up like that. no one seemed to care as the cake was delicious anyway xD
so, back to the hot part.

the place is in the middle of nowhere in a hill. they have cows and chickens and even dogs and cats. it's extreeemely hot and there's almost no breeze. there was no water in the house so they had to bring up pots and pots of water. there were moments of people with the face totally wet and you couldn't tell if it was sweat or water. i don't know how many times i just poured water on my head down my face to refresh a little. So, as there were a looot of people drinking, and i don't like drinking, i decided to cook. we cutted veggies, made dough for "bollitos" and so on. i kept myself busy with it. with the time i met a looot of wonderful people! there were people i knew of course, but some others were family of the dojo members and it was a very very nice timing
despite of the hot.
it's not as humid as Panamá, but the sun is itchy (and bitchy too)

then as long as the day passed on, the night, and the bugs came along.
there were sooo sooo soo many bugs! at first i was running like a girl  away from them and screaming but with the time you just get used to have them around. and the night. AND THE STARS
it was the first time in my entire life i got to see the sky like that. it was so beautiful i was about to cry! my favorite part was to be able to see the Pleiades, i was amazed! i can see them a little at home around 3 am but i saw the entire pleiades without giving effort to it! it was so so awesome
before that something happened. because yes, this weekend needed some drama.
there was a car that had a looot of drinking people (i'd dare to say alcoholic) and they were drinking beers, and ron and beers and more ron and haven't eaten anything. ugh. problems.
one of them, a big and fat man was drunk so he started screaming all over, and teasing the sempais and saying they were not strong and so on. then he started to give kisses to people (thank lord i was in the kitchen) when we suddenly heard a greeaaat bump in the wall and the man was in the floor. He was teasing one of my sempais, one of the oldest btw, and plam! he just bumped him against the floor without effort and the man got his lights off. as simple as that. everyone was sick of his attitude and my sempai just reacted as the drunk man tried to tease him giving punches and so. oh dear.SENPAIII!!!!! !!
the man at first didn't know where he was, and then he started to talk with Sensei and ended up crying. i wonder what did he say but next day he didn't drink a drop of alcohol. and well, if i were him, i wouldn't do that neither

the sunday i went with another sempai over the trees and got a lot of fruits! they even have hot and sweet chilis~ we were all like kids all over, had veggies soup and Papelon con Limón *O*
when we got back to city i'm glad i've brought with me a jacket because it was pouring rain! definately, i like the sky and etc, but i wouldn't change my city's weather for anything. i almost fainted asleep in the car  Dx i'm still very sleepy! hope to rest properly soon...

thanks for reading all my nonsense!
loves you back,
Berichan :iconlubplz:
  • Listening to: Platina- Negicco ver. (orig. Maaya Sakamoto)
  • Reading: Introduction to literal critique - Prof. Poncela
  • Watching: my french notes
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: about to have lunch
  • Drinking: water
:iconneicha-chan: tagged me and here we go! had so much time without doing this, i started to miss it a little C:

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it does not make sense.
Tag five people.

1. How are you feeling today?
This is how we do - Katy Perry (hahaha pretty much not caring about anything today. right. and also CHANEL)
2. Will you get far in life?
Breathe In - Beldina (dafuq xD so i'm suppoused to be cheated on and doing nothing about it? NO NO NO )
3. How do your friends see you?
Poker Face - Miss Monochrome (ahahahaha this is weird)
4. Will you get married?
Hello - Nu'est (awww :heart: just don't be a freak will you? )
5. What is your best friend's theme song?
 Out of Control - Nothing's carved in stone ( welp, i don't have a "best friend" so...)
6. What is the story of your life?
Fallin' - Alicia Keys (whaaaat xD i think i'm the less loving person in this world)
7. What was high school like?
   Ignorance- Paramore (YES IT WAS oh god they nailed it!)
8. How can you get ahead in life?
It's my life - Bon Jovi (THIS. so so so true)
9. What is the best thing about your friends?
 Born 1921- Rasmus Faber ft. Frida Sundemo (aweeee)
10. What is in store for this weekend?
 Just Dance - Lady Gaga (considering i'm going to a party for the whole weekend... welp i guess i'll dance)
11. To describe your grandparents?
 Violet Hill - Coldplay (it did remembered me of them. they love each other so much they don't even need to talk)
12. How is your life going?
  Kimi ni Todoke- Tamizawa Tomofumi (aweee so cute! it has a personal meaning in this moment, probably not what you think)
13. What song will play at your funeral?
  Passion - Utada Hikaru (please please PLEASE DO )
14. How does the world see you?
Zoetrope - Nagi Yanagi (this sooongggg oh god oh god so me *squeaks* )
15. Will you have a happy life?
 Haiiro no Suiyobi - Triple H / Mawaru Penguindrum OST ( this is so... ; n ; i don't know what to say it's so ; n ; but i love it, not exactly happy? i don't know, it feels special)
16. What do your friends really think of you?
  She's not you - Jesse McCartney (i was about to delete this song and pffft xD but hey! thank you it's so cute!) PLEASE DON'T READ THE LYRICS OR ELSE. (?)
17. Do people secretly lust after you?
   Aoi Hitomi - Maaya Sakamoto (well, it's not lust really D: "This one-time love will end eventually, but
I think you will stay with me for eternity." so beautiful song, one of my favs )
18. How can I make myself happy?
 Honey -Chihiro / Card captors sakura (RIGHT IN THE KOKORO aghhhh)
19. What should you do with your life?
Select? - Chihara Minori / Suzumiya Haruhi no yuutsu OST ( hmmm interesting )
20. Will you ever have children?
Playing God - Paramore (yup, pretty much everything in my brain when i think about it)
21. What song would you strip to?
   Sakasama no Chou - SNoW (ehhhh i don't think so, but still like the song anyway)
22. If a man in a van offered candy you, what would you do?
  Forever Now- Tokio Hotel (WHAT NO)
23. What does your mom think of you?
Q.E.D. - Hirakawa Daisuke / Diabolik Lovers OST (okay. i love this song but MOM? xD )
24. What is your deep dark secret?
 Trust me- Yuya Matsushita (hahaha i think it's not a secret really)
25. What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
 Anata wo tamotsu mono - Maaya Sakamoto /GITS OST ( interesting ) -more interesting because i don't have mortal enemy x'D
26. What's your personality like?
Keep Tryin' - Utada Hikaru (absolutely)
27. Which song will be played at your wedding?
Good times come back - Rasmus Faber ft. Beldina (YESSS)    
28. If you were to Become the Dictator of a small Eastern-European nation, would you be a benevolent Dictator?
 Sacred- Tokio Hotel (guess i'd be too loving with people x'D so cheesy song )
29. What are your aspirations?
Chandelier - Sia (that feels like if i didn't have xDDD )
30. What Goes Through Your Head When you wake up?
Love who loves you back - Tokio Hotel (aweeeee )

Time to tag some peopleee~
:icongilzean: :iconmanu-chann: :iconliedeke: :iconnalek: :iconshintaworld:
  • Listening to: Ariana Grande- The Way (so catchy!! )
  • Reading: Oficina N°1 - Miguel Otero Silva (for lit. cl
  • Watching: actually writting poems
  • Playing: nopes
  • Eating: about to buy a cupcakeee
  • Drinking: water